Sunday, June 1, 2014

Musings from Murk: A Higher Power 1

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 -3 of The Steps to Serenity:

Does the word "God" or even the concept itself make me uncomfortable? No

Have I ever believed that God caused horrible things to happen to me or was punishing me? What were those things? Yes, sometimes when everything went totally wrong, like when I broke up with my wife, went to prison (more the getting caught than the prison part), when in a very depressed state for a a long period with seemingly no way out. Sometimes when I tried hard and long to get something I wanted and didn't get it.

What is my understanding of a power greater than myself today? The power that created the world and universe as we see and know it. The power that holds it together and controls it. The power that made me and all others before and after me and controls everything that is and will be. The power that can and will make sense out of my life and death if I seek and surrender it. The power that can be all that is and ever will be to everyone and everything and that is All. And all these powers are one and the same and need no name for no matter what we choose to call this power or not call it, it makes no difference. It is what it is and isn't changed by us our names for it. Usually I choose to call it God.

How is my Higher Power working in my life today? In ways I can see and am aware of and in ways I don't see and could never understand anyway. Most importantly to me, in a way that fills a spot deep within me that, no matter what I've had or done in my adult life, was empty or aching. My Higher Power has given me honesty, hope, and now the beginning of a faith that satisfies a longing and a need I've always felt but could do nothing about without the awareness of this power and surrender to it.

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