Saturday, May 31, 2014

Musings from Murk: Self Will 2

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 -3 of The Steps to Serenity:

Describe the times when my will hasn't been enough. When I come face to face with my reservations, and I'm alone each time this has happened. I've been made aware of the only way I didn't act out as I would have in the past was by God's grace and His presence in my life through surrender.

What is the difference between my will and God's will? Night and day. My will is darkness. His will is light.

Have there been times in my recovery when I've found myself subtly taking back my will and my life? Yes.

What alerted my? A gut feeling. Fear, pain, confusion.

What have I done to recommit myself to the third step? Every day ask for His will and the power to carry that out. Keep myself aware that I can't do God's will, but must stay in an attitude of surrender in order to receive the power from Him I need to make the decision on the level I need.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Musings from Murk: Pursuing My Goals

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 & 2 of The Steps to Serenity:

Will pursuing my goals harm anyone? and how? No. If I pray for God's will and the power to carry it out and align my will with His, my thinking and actions will change, and through His power all will be well for me and the ones he puts me in contact with.

In the pursuit of what I want, is it likely that I will end up doing something that will adversely affect myself and others? Explain. No. Same answer as above, but only if my decision to turn my will and life over to Him is from deep within myself and not just a surface decision that isn't total.

Will I have to compromise any of my principles to achieve this goal? Not in reality. It may seem so on the surface, but God's will, if I surrender and stay in the right attitude to receive it, is always good and just.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Musings from Murk: Self Will 1

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 & 2 of The Steps to Serenity:

How have I acted on self will? In nearly every way conceivable in every area of my life. I've always, since about 11 years old, gotten or tried to get my way no matter what the cost to me or anyone else.

What were my motives? selfishness, false pride, fear

How has acting on self will affected my life? It has caused me to miss all the blessings in my life that God and a conscious contact with Him could have brought. It has also caused me to lose my family, wife, child, grandchildren, friends, and the joy of living and growing spiritually with them in my life. It has only brought me pain and suffering where I could have had joy.

How has my self will affected others? It has driven away all the good people in my life or changed negatively the ones not driven away.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Musings from Murk: Taking Action 2

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 & 2 of The Steps to Serenity:

What action have I taken to follow through on my decision? Ask God each day when I get up to show me His will and give me the power to carry it out and then have faith that whatever happens that day is His will for me at that time.

What areas of of my life are difficult for me to turn over? Sex life, relationships, work.

Why is it important that I turn them over anyway? Until I turn them over, they will continue to cause me pain and stress. I won't be able to realize the blessing and joy that are now mine at work by turning it over than if I keep holding on to fake control of these other areas. Also, if I don't turn over my sex life, I won't be able to know the blessings in that area God has in store.

Musings from Murk: Taking Action 1

Taken from Murk's AA/NA journal writing regarding steps  1 & 2 of The Steps to Serenity:

Why is making a decision central to working this step? Because we need to put action, or into action, the honesty and hope acquired from the 1st & 2nd step or it will fade away. Making a decision and taking action is something new to us at this point.

Can I make this decision just for today? Yes, in actuality, it must be made each new day.

Do I have any fears or reservations about it? Yes.

What are they? Mostly an unfounded sense of losing control on a deep level.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Hippie (Mama)

Note: This was first published in the May 7, 2014 edition of The Blackshear Times.

Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned from a Hippie (Mama)

Sometimes it takes a while to appreciate what you have. Years maybe. When I was a little girl growing up in Blackshear, it wasn’t cool to have a hippie mama. Well, it wasn’t cool to me. Ask Angela Manders or Richard Proctor and they would say she was the coolest mom ever. But being highly introverted tends to make a young child want to just blend in and not be noticed. In those days, blending in could only be accomplished with a two parent home in a ranch style house and church on Sunday.  Parent #2 left prior to the move to Blackshear, however. And of the five homes where I resided during those years, the only ranch style was when I moved in with the grandparents. Church on Sunday with Mama was typically on holidays.

Now, one year older than she was when she left this earth, I am proud of my hippie mama. Proud that she and my daddy drove to Woodstock in a VW bug.
Proud to have experienced a compost garden. Proud to say my mama owned a pair of patch pants. Proud to have known the value of vitamins and healthy eating decades before Dr. Oz was ever discovered. But most of all, proud of what she instilled in me.

My hippie mama taught me that God could be found outside of the church walls. She taught me about Him when we stopped by the county dumpsters to feed the stray cats on the way home from the grocery store. She showed me His majesty in the Blue Ridge Mountains and the ocean that she so loved. She revealed His love when she sang “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight.”

My hippie mama taught me that obstacles are meant to be overcome. Being a
toddler with polio made for quite a determined female. She rode bikes she was never supposed to be able to pedal. She reinvented herself professionally over and over again, despite bouts with the demons of alcoholism.

My hippie mama taught me that music releases emotion. Although the only musical gene I inherited was the Rolling Stones one, the years listening to her play piano and guitar, sing under the stars, and continuously spin vinyl gave me a necessary understanding of the passion so deeply rooted in my boys.

My hippie mama taught me to question everything. Life seems much simpler for those who just accept the ways of the world. But she challenged my thinking. In doing so, she prepared me to understand the children I would raise and to be able to encourage my boys to follow their passions rather than society’s narrow expectations.

My hippie mama taught me to accept people for who they are. She could have a deep conversation with the homeless; eat lunch in a segregated small town with her black friend; and rub elbows with the prestigious at their Sea Island events. She valued all people. She didn’t participate in the silent injustices of humanity.

Although I’m still not ready to burn my bras, I realize everything I needed to know, I learned from my hippie mama.